Phase One (9 Days): 

K: All seems to be going well, but am becoming concerned that it's beginning to look like we're harbouring a decomposing corpse in our kitchen.  Wonder what it'll taste like and whether we're going to poison our friends.  Am also wondering why I didn't check my hair before agreeing to pose for photos intended for the internet.  Also wondering why cricket is more captivating than the best experiment/mass poisoning we've ever taken part in.

K.  Whether we're going to poison our friends is a mute point i'm sure.  (Side note.  secretary needs a dictionary for the word mute).  As i'm certain they are just rapt that they don't appear to be going the way of the decomposing corpse/bacon infused vodka - 9 day styling.  Anyhoo, Mitchell Johnson was just stranded 4 runs short of his first test century: historic moment, even deserved a colon!  Hottest 100 countdown has started, shall we try infuse it into some vodka for Meredith secretary?

K: Yes, yes we shall.

K.  Splendid.