[Day 9]

Phase One (9 Days): 

K: All seems to be going well, but am becoming concerned that it's beginning to look like we're harbouring a decomposing corpse in our kitchen.  Wonder what it'll taste like and whether we're going to poison our friends.  Am also wondering why I didn't check my hair before agreeing to pose for photos intended for the internet.  Also wondering why cricket is more captivating than the best experiment/mass poisoning we've ever taken part in.

K.  Whether we're going to poison our friends is a mute point i'm sure.  (Side note.  secretary needs a dictionary for the word mute).  As i'm certain they are just rapt that they don't appear to be going the way of the decomposing corpse/bacon infused vodka - 9 day styling.  Anyhoo, Mitchell Johnson was just stranded 4 runs short of his first test century: historic moment, even deserved a colon!  Hottest 100 countdown has started, shall we try infuse it into some vodka for Meredith secretary?

K: Yes, yes we shall.

K.  Splendid.  

The Mission Continues

Phase One: Infuse Vodka with Bacon

K: Cook half kilo of bacon until crispy, break into small pieces, throw into bottle, pour vodka over top, cap bottle, shake, shake, shake.  Leave vodka for three weeks, shaking every few days.  Try to ignore fat floating to top, thinking of how brilliant it will taste when finished.  Try also to ignore boyfriend and other K bickering like old married couple - consequences of following this train of thought not worth contemplating.

K: The first thing I want to say about this blog is that I do not condone the use of colons (thanks secretary).  Timmy Mallet Head X-Ray.  Fact.  Anyhoo, point of introduction - i'm K with grey and my secretary is the K with the light blue (bleu in French) and fascination with colons for some unknown reason.  

Let's get Tarantino styling and jump to phase three so you understand our ultimate goal.  Font change secretary, thank you.  

Phase 3.  Get our Mao-esque portraits hung in the Pink Flamingo along with Joaquin, Mr Potato-head, Old Major, Napoleon and Snowball's.

K.  I think phase 3 is rather self-explanatory.

K.  I agree and can't believe i preferred colons to full stops - what a feckin' eejit!

Anyhoo, now that you understand the ultimate goal we will show how we got there.  Remember Tarantino.  Plus i also want to say that i do love being a secretary...  what's that?  Coffee?  White with half?  No problems, i'll get my skates on and get it to you asssssssssssssssssap!

K: Anyway, I think it'll be pretty obvious to our astute readers that the real blue K didn't actually post the above....the use of non-capitalised 'I's' for example and the flagrant omission of colons (not to mention the use of the word 'anyhoo').

The mission begins